Thanks to my brother, this will be one of my mottos. We were texting the other day and he was asking how I was feeling. I relayed to him that I think that the exercises that my PT was giving me was already been helping. Here’s his response:
I was not offended by his text. I was in fact, encouraged. You see, I have not known solid ground in probably over 6 months. I am not at sea, but I have a constant sensation of either swaying like being on a boat or spinning like a toy top. When my dizziness was at its worst, I literally felt like I was in a ferris wheel or on a fast train heading west. I know it’s hard to imagine, and I would not believe that it was possible to be constantly dizzy, except I am going through it day and night.
It all really started when I had an accident over a year ago that resulted in a concussion and occipital neuralgia. The first major setback I had was when I had started feeling better a few months after my accident. My doctor released me to try and start working part time. The first attempt wasn’t successful, so I rested for another week and then attempted again. Towards the end of my second half day, I was finishing up a phone call when weakness overcame me. I literally felt like a computer that crashed. After resting for a couple of hours, I somehow managed to drive myself home, but knew that something was wrong. I remember trying to eat the tilapia that my mom had prepared for dinner, and suddenly feeling so weak and unable to eat. (I didn’t know it then, but later on found out how bad my eyes were affected that just picking the flesh out of the fish’s sides was too much of a chore.) It took about three weeks to start feeling better again after that.
That wasn’t the end of it though. I could tell of multiple other setbacks – some due to my own foolishness/ignorance- that left me so traumatized, I felt like I couldn’t do anything that would not cause any setback. Needless to say, I can find so many good reasons to DOUBT and say I am just never going to recover. Yet, if I look on the other end of each setback, I can say that the Lord has seen me through each one of them. He has brought me this far, and “…He who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion…” (Phil. 1:6, NIV) The fact that I am now able to write this blog, having gone through several months of not being able to use a computer without great difficulty, is a miracle in itself. So, I must not doubt, but must believe. Doubt only leads to fear, fear to anxiety, and anxiety impales me even further. I may feel like a small turtle trying to swim my way to shore that is out of my view, but I know that the God who sees everything is leading me there little by little. I know this because the waves are getting smaller and smaller.
My Future Is Alive 