Have you ever resisted the urge to hug someone, because for some reason or another you were ashamed to do so? You automatically think of alibis even though your intention is pure and out of genuine care and love for a friend, even a stranger? I’m sure, at one time or another, I have.
In fact, I had to go through a short season in my teenage years, where being hugged by a friend and churchmate felt really awkward. Yet, she kept doing it so I decided I just had to get used to it.
The strange part is that touch is very common in our family. We hugged each other all the time and I never went through a phase where I was ashamed to kiss my Mom and Dad or even hold their hands in public. I still do it as an adult!
Maybe it’s because we hear so many negative things about human touch that some of us steer clear of them until we know a person well enough to not hide how much we care. (Especially at work, where who knows who is going to sue you for what?)
In Dr. Caroline Leaf’s blog post on “Toxic Touch As Part of the ‘Dirty Dozen,'” she states, “A human connection is one of the most important elements in living in community with one another. However, toxic touch turns what is supposed to be a healing and healthy human connection into an ugly area of gift-blocking.”
When you see the words toxic and touch put together, it’s easy to conclude that it only refers to inappropriate touch; but that’s only one side of the coin.
She also states, “We know how hurtful abuse can be, when touch is harmful. And that is never, ever acceptable. But sometimes we don’t realize that another aspect of toxic touch is actually the lack of touch.”
“…sometimes we don’t realize that another aspect of toxic touch is actually the lack of touch.” -#DrCarolineLeaf
“In fact, just as inappropriate touch affects our gift, the lack of touch (called ‘cutaneous deprivation’) will also affect our gifts through toxic emotions, thoughts and choices. Even physical growth and the immune system are weakened.”
Wow!
I have never felt the need for touch as much as I did during the first several months of my recovering from a concussion. I was so sensitive to noise and light that I couldn’t watch TV, read a book and using my phone was kept to a minimal as it was difficult. Even conversations were taxing. Some folks didn’t want to bother me, because I needed rest; which was true.
But I also needed touch, someone to hold my hand or give me a hug, even for just a few seconds or a minute. Someone to help me feel alive even if I was hardly capable of any activity. At one point, I felt so deprived of human touch that when I ended up in the ER for the third time since my accident and the doctor had me reach for his finger as part of the routine test of my nervous system, I reached for that finger like it was my lifeline. In my mind, I was relieved to have a finger to hold even for a second!
A few months later, during one of my terrible setbacks, a friend came by to visit. Seeing the terrible state I was in and that I could hardly talk, she held my hand for a long time and then proceeded to prepare us some dinner. We didn’t have to have a long talk. Her touch and her presence alone was such a blessing, it gave me hope. And for the other ones that have given me a hug here and there and held my hand, I am very thankful and grateful. You don’t know what a difference you’ve made in my life.
The truth is, everyone needs a hug from time to time, whether it’s someone you haven’t seen in a long time, or someone you see every day. If your intentions are pure, and especially if you feel the Holy Spirit leading you, go ahead and give that hug. It may be the very thing that person needs to go on with life.
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My Future Is Alive 